So the fuss of fathers day is over and I can write with clear head about it. In my life there has only been two wonderful consistent men in my life. My Da and Dr Who. First I am not a whovian…that’s a term for hipsters. Dr who has had me enthralled since I was a child. I love him wait to hear the wheeze of the TARDIS so that I could run off and have wonderful adventures with him.
My Da, unlike the Doctor could not regenerate. He passed away quite a few years ago. But I miss him everyday. He was a grumpy old bugger, he was affectionately known to some in the family as grumble bum. He was a true Irish gentleman. He loved with a vengeance and hated with a passion. He would grumble about all sorts but I tell you what if you needed him day or night that man was there for you. He had an honour and he was stoic through until he passed away. He had one love in his life that was my mama. He growled at her, but she would just laugh it off. She annoyed him shamelessly and loved it, loved making him grumble and carry on, but later it was all sorted.
Where are the men like my father? where are the honourable men gone? So many men now days have no respect for women. Booty Call, leave her pregnant. Abuse their women. I am proud of the women who survive that. I am giving one big of shout out to all the mums who have been mum and dad.
Some men when the relationship is over, they move on, have more kids and ignore the first lot. That is the situation my kids are in. For most of their lives I am mum and dad. Dad? who is he? He is the man who walked out of their lives on Christmas day…Merry fucking Christmas! He was a typical abusive male, after we split up he continued to harass I had to take out DVO’s against the man. Domestic violence after the break up leaves the mum and kid shattered I had to pick up the pieces and start all over again. He just continued on his way.
I wonder sometimes about the woman he has been with for all these years, has she been brainwashed, does she just accept things and so hasn’t been hit around for disagreeing. Does she wonder about the man she is with and how he had a DVO for years that kept on being renewed. She was with him while he was still harassing me. She was with him when he would call late at night ask me to forgive him and come back and then the next night phone me to call me all the names under the sun.
It’s a big question as to what makes a man abuse his partner and children? What stops him sometimes to then move on and act in a normal responsible way in a relationship? What makes some men serial abusers?