I toddled off to another doctor through the week. This doctor was looking at me and how I can handle things like at work etc. He reads my report and looks at the list of my complaints: Brain Tumour, Cushing’s Syndrome, Obesity caused from over use of steroids, lupus, blood clot and osteoporosis, a side affect of the medications. The list just went on and on. He asked me about the medications I am on presently and if I was going to be a life long user of warfarin. I told him no, when they wean me off the many drugs I am on. He then asked me what happens then? I said well I get to pay less for my drugs and life will go on.
He then asked me if I had an “Out Strategy” I asked what he meant. His explanation was when they take me off all of these drugs I could be in more pain, and that it could shorten my life and my ability to work and partake of other activities. Back up Shorten my life? I already know that how long I live is in the hands of God. I was told I could go in a second or twenty years, right from the start. So I have faced death it doesn’t scare me, as I know I am going to go. What scares me is what happens afterwards. What happens to my children and my possessions.
This doctor pushed me to explain to him that yes I understand and I have an “Out Strategy”. My strategy is to stay alive long enough that my youngest child is an adult. at this point in time all is set up for family and friends. I have changed arrangements, as children get older and reach adulthood. At this point I only have one under age and should I go, her older sibling’s with the assistance of family and friends will raise her.
I have no other options my kids only have me and each other. We are the great wall of China, we might be crumbled in some area’s and my not reach each other but on the whole we are one entity. I am proud of my children and how they pull together when it really counts.
So my “Out Strategy” is to outsmart this tumour, wait for a cure and just keep on keeping on. I want to watch my children graduate from school and universities. I want to see them happy and settled I want to hold my first grandchild. I have too much to live for and too many medical bills to pay to die yet.