It’s like ashes in my mouth

Mental health is in the spotlight, having just finished with a week where people are openly talking about mental health issues. But what happens for the rest of the year? Oh that’s right it just gets pushed under the mat again. I have heard on so many radio stations, television and social media about what we can do to help. Let’s raise funds to help with research.

But really it doesn’t have to be monetary. Just saying hello and smiling. Genuinely asking how someone is and actually listening. Depression is a strange one. How do you rate and understand something that is understandable. We know more about the dark side of the moon than we do about the brain.

Some say mental illness, is all in the mind! All you have to do is suck it up and move on. Mental illness has been around since humans began walking upright. Words have an effect calling names we know. You want to hurt someone words work best. But what is going on inside the brain, why does name calling affect us? How come some people go through hell and back and survive and others fold up, crumble and the slightest thing.

My Bear suffers and once some rude ignorant person said he couldn’t really suffer depression, because he can wag school and laugh with his mates. His response was yeah its all fun but really its just like ashes in my mouth. Its nothing its grey it doesn’t fit. Profound, Huh?

During the week I heard a person supposedly educated talking about acquired brain injury and how this can cause all sorts of problems, emotional, psychological and physical. He said some people with ABI have suicidal thoughts and don’t understand the emptiness. But others, well that’s their problem.   REALLY! If I could have jumped through the radio and strangled that idiot I would have. He in one stroke put down people with mental health issues. It’s alright to be suffering if you have a real injury that you can show. But not if you have hidden emotional scars.

Mental health? no it’s total health you can’t have a healthy body or soul if you don’t have a sound emotional state. Anxiety is hard… Depression is harder. I know I suffer it now but was in denial for ages about it. It took a suicide attempt for me to realise that. Ironic considering I was so ill I wasn’t expected to live. But something some glimmer of a spark inside me kept me going.

That same glimmer, is in most people who suffer depression or any other mental health issue. They are stronger than you think. They are survivors. They are believers. They are the faith holders. They are not taking the easy way out. It isn’t easy to think of ending your life and thinking of the mess you leave behind.

I could keep on going but I will stop now and leave you with one thing to do. Smile every day at least once. Try to smile at a stranger. Look in the mirror and tell that person who is looking back at you that they are a wonderful human being. That they are beautiful


About proudblacksista

An Aboriginal woman. mother of 4 diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumour 7 years ago.I want to share my story to help others. I am working to help other Aboriginal people face the battles of Cancer. Email me with your stories or concerns at View all posts by proudblacksista

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