Black men are allowed to be abusive? It’s our way?

So, I have had a run in with a male who verbally abused me not once but twice and in this attack he also was rude to a young lady  who was in her teens and came to my defence. He fairly forcefully pushed off another female who tried to take him away to calm him down.

Now comes the fun part. When a couple of days later to talk about it and air my grievance about the matter he tried to justify his actions with I (being me) was hot and bothered and I should not have been doing some of the work I was doing. Okay that seems fine. I told him I was hurt, humiliated upset and bewildered by his actions because he is not that kind of guy. He is the kind that I like, talk to and joke with.

He said he was sorry but that he cares, and he was angry that I wasn’t doing what I should have been doing. I said you yelled and carried on, he corrected me he didn’t yell, he raised his voice. But, and here is where it gets good! “But that’s the way we are, you know what us Murri men are like that’s how we show we care”. Really! There is a word for that. I was stopped from saying what that word was.

The overall point is that it is acceptable for a black man to yell and swear at a black woman in public. Or at least that is the opinion that I got from the whole exercise. I had to accept the apology and understand that THAT kind of behaviour is normal. We Aboriginal women have so much to contend with and to put up with especially from our own. We have to take care of family and friends we have to compete in the white man’s world. We are trying so hard to change the world we try to raise our kids with respect a lot of us do it without a male. We do this just so that kids can witness incidents like I suffered. The man in question is not my relation, not that, that makes it any better it actually makes it worse.

I never thought I would come to the point of using the term “Lateral Violence” But that’s what it is. and it’s just shrugged off as that’s the way we are. I would not accept this behaviour from my son, I would be mortified if I ever found out he did something like that.

My idea of a Murri man and our ways, is what my grandfather was…Proud, hardworking, takes care of his family. But then I guess what would I know, I’m just a Murri woman!!!!!!

About proudblacksista

An Aboriginal woman. mother of 4 diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumour 7 years ago.I want to share my story to help others. I am working to help other Aboriginal people face the battles of Cancer. Email me with your stories or concerns at View all posts by proudblacksista

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