What else could go wrong

Well it sucks when you think things are going alright. Tests are looking good still being weaned of all the steroids. Then of course you get the call a test has come back and there seems to be a problem with it. I have to go back to the hospital and discuss it and find out what it means. I am hoping that it means something good but then why bother to call. Oh well what I can expect of course something is going to go wrong, it’s close to Christmas I am stressing out trying to give my kids a nice Christmas, so of course something will have to go wrong. It’s not pessimism, it Murphy’s Law.

I am determined to not be sick this Christmas, I am determined to not be in hospital and I will not allow what ever the problem is to over come me. Sometimes its overwhelming, and I want to give in. But I can’t I have to be there for my kids I have too much to live for. So come hell or high water this is not going to change that. I didn’t fight death so many times just to cave in now. I am going to find out and deal with it a beat it the odds are in my favour. I know I am going to die, I know they can’t give me any guarantees . I could go in a second or I could go in twenty years well when I was told that I chose my option twenty years at least. I will over come and I will fight. Some battles are worth fighting some battles you have to go F**** it  I don’t need the drama. Minor problems I just might do that. But the most important person is me. I cannot be  a mum to my kids if I am gone so time to draw the line work out what’s important and deal with my health and not other people’s drama’s

Life is way to short

 

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About proudblacksista

An Aboriginal woman. mother of 4 diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumour 7 years ago.I want to share my story to help others. I am working to help other Aboriginal people face the battles of Cancer. Email me with your stories or concerns at aboriginalcancer.com View all posts by proudblacksista

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