Well it sucks when you think things are going alright. Tests are looking good still being weaned of all the steroids. Then of course you get the call a test has come back and there seems to be a problem with it. I have to go back to the hospital and discuss it and find out what it means. I am hoping that it means something good but then why bother to call. Oh well what I can expect of course something is going to go wrong, it’s close to Christmas I am stressing out trying to give my kids a nice Christmas, so of course something will have to go wrong. It’s not pessimism, it Murphy’s Law.
I am determined to not be sick this Christmas, I am determined to not be in hospital and I will not allow what ever the problem is to over come me. Sometimes its overwhelming, and I want to give in. But I can’t I have to be there for my kids I have too much to live for. So come hell or high water this is not going to change that. I didn’t fight death so many times just to cave in now. I am going to find out and deal with it a beat it the odds are in my favour. I know I am going to die, I know they can’t give me any guarantees . I could go in a second or I could go in twenty years well when I was told that I chose my option twenty years at least. I will over come and I will fight. Some battles are worth fighting some battles you have to go F**** it I don’t need the drama. Minor problems I just might do that. But the most important person is me. I cannot be a mum to my kids if I am gone so time to draw the line work out what’s important and deal with my health and not other people’s drama’s
Life is way to short