Well it sucks when you think things are going alright. Tests are looking good still being weaned of all the steroids. Then of course you get the call a test has come back and there seems to be a problem with it. I have to go back to the hospital and discuss it and find out what it means. I am hoping that it means something good but then why bother to call. Oh well what I can expect of course something is going to go wrong, it’s close to Christmas I am stressing out trying to give my kids a nice Christmas, so of course something will have to go wrong. It’s not pessimism, it Murphy’s Law.
I am determined to not be sick this Christmas, I am determined to not be in hospital and I will not allow what ever the problem is to over come me. Sometimes its overwhelming, and I want to give in. But I can’t I have to be there for my kids I have too much to live for. So come hell or high water this is not going to change that. I didn’t fight death so many times just to cave in now. I am going to find out and deal with it a beat it the odds are in my favour. I know I am going to die, I know they can’t give me any guarantees . I could go in a second or I could go in twenty years well when I was told that I chose my option twenty years at least. I will over come and I will fight. Some battles are worth fighting some battles you have to go F**** it I don’t need the drama. Minor problems I just might do that. But the most important person is me. I cannot be a mum to my kids if I am gone so time to draw the line work out what’s important and deal with my health and not other people’s drama’s
Life is way to short
If you are a regular reader you know that money is tight in the household. What with the constant medical bills, rent, school bills, and students who don’t make enough to live on. So we have been trying to make things. I have been churning out jewellery making my shabby chic stuff and the kids are helping to so that we can partake in one of the suitcase sales.
We are not looking for a lot of money just enough to buy some presents and have some nice food. Last year was really dry with me being so sick and unable to eat anything and only the help of friend with donations of food and money, Luckily my children don’t ask for two much. The youngest is after the most expensive she wants a new phone. My bear just wants two tickets to “The Hobbit”. But I want to be able to step up a bit and I guess spoil them a bit since they have been through so much. I also have to buy all my little babies goodies, but that is my choice to spoil the little nieces and nephews in my life.
But how can you have a small Christmas when the television is constantly telling you to buy and they show ads of kids with a mountain of toys. The commercialism is way too much. I hear parents talking about getting allsorts of devices and gizmo’s for kids who should just be happy getting a skipping rope or a board game. Little girls have to have princess dresses and boys have to be super hero’s.
Where is the real Christmas. I walked around the shops today and was amazed at all the decorations, Christmas songs, some with words changed to suit the chain store some shops have Christmas sales and some have holiday sales. Again how to you please everyone. In one little corner is a nativity scene. I remember as a child Nativity scenes were prominent in shopping centres but now we can’t have them.
My youngest is going away on camp and she is hoping that the tree will be put up while she is away. I asked her why she said Christmas isn’t the same, because no one is going to give me lots of games or toys. I’ve grown up and I won’t be lifted up to put the star on the top of the tree. The reality of her growing up hit me and I wondered when it hit her, that now she is older the magic is gone.
She is still excited about the three wise men, that made me feel good. I grew up with the three wise men moving around and making it to the manger on the twelfth day after Christmas. I loved that I loved having my turn at moving them. My kids have all loved it and enjoyed moving them around. I wasn’t as strict as my parents so those three wise men, went all over the house they went in the shower, stayed in the laundry sometimes the broke up and were in three different places. That is part of the magic of Christmas and I am glad that she isn’t too old for that yet. Actually all of them haven’t outgrown moving the Three Wise men. I hope they never lose that and share it with their kids when the time comes.
The other part which she still enjoys is wrapping presents and working out who would like what and how to buy it or get them something. Making biscuits or anything. The gift of giving is still strong and I hope that remains.
So if you can get your head around the Ferguson incident and the outrage. and let’s be honest the whole world should be outraged at an innocent unarmed black teenager being shot. His parents didn’t believe the story and neither did anyone else except the white judicial system that found him clear of all allegations. Police knew their would be protests, hey they had protests at the coroners hearing. the police went over board calling the national guard and the army they were ready to turn a protest into a riot. That’s my opinion. They were at the ready again when the judiciary handed down their decision. The family of Michael Brown called for calm asked for peaceful protests. Churches and organisations had set up safe houses. But the Police fired the first shot with tear gas into the crowds.
Very few media outlets showed the Blacks and the Whites working together, and the gangs dropping all rivalry to work towards the understanding of what happened and listening to the words of the Brown family. But that doesn’t make good news.
Australian media were describing it as “Race riots” but looking at the footage there seemed to be a lot of white people in those crowds. Australians felt they had a right to condemn the US over the handling of the matter. Commentators saying it wouldn’t happen here. Well yeah it wouldn’t because most Australians don’t give a damn about Aboriginal deaths in custody. Recently we have had 4 deaths in custody and where was the outrage. Demonstrators at the G 20 Burnt the Australian flag and some effigies over this matter. But more people were annoyed they could burn the flag, than the lives of Australians, because they were not White Australians.
Wake up to yourselves We don’t have the racial violence here because Aboriginal people are caring. We have the fire in the belly, we don’t have the numbers but we are trying to work with to be accepted. We have to work twice as hard to get the recognition and then when we do something great. Well white people some how take the glory, they found the person and recognised their talent. They nurtured them. Yep they do everything But give us the kudos for our achievements.
But back to Ferguson for the moment if we weren’t so caught up in the death of one sports man we would have heard that the police office who murdered in cold blood Michael Brown, say that he had no problem with it. His conscience was clear. Then he next quit the force so he has full entitlements and got away with murder. All while Australia was judging, wrongfully reporting stories and turning a blind eye.
Wake up Australia realise you have a problem and its called racism, its cause is stupidity but it is curable. So please don’t judge other countries when we are on the bottom of the UN list for treating its First Peoples. We have the Highest incarceration rates for the lowest crimes and the highest suicide rates. So now please tell me this is the lucky country