When you know its time to go

Among all the drama of me leaving my job, I haven’t really explained my side of things.

My first inkling that something was up apart from a complaint that was frivolous and ridiculous. A complaint made because someone was cranky that they didn’t like that I had mentioned them in a complaint. Petty really and it should have been treated as such.

I was having a smoke, I had only started smoking after an incident at work where a male employee verbally abused me and I didn’t get any support from up on high.

So there I was, smoking from stress, I go to a place where there is a Crow nest in the tree. My mother was a crow. My youngest daughter is a crow, too I might add.

I always feel safe there, the crows watch over me and talk to me.

So this particular day I was smoking when out of the crow’s nest dropped down a Lorikeet carcass. This sent a shiver up my spine. I am a Lorikeet.

My first thought was that I have to get out of this place something bad is going to happen. I then walked back into the office the day seemed to drag on and nothing happened. So I started to think well maybe this means something is up with my daughter and that something is going to happen.

When I came home from work, nothing! she was fine nothing happened with her, apart from the usual teenage dramas over the week-end.

Then Monday and that feeling of dread again, So yep I listened to the voice within me and knew that it was time for me to get out of there. It appeared to me that my work was of the same opinion. They wanted me out of there, by any means possible. Either the complaint, which I had union and a friends help with. But then they gave me the whammy of their Doctor who on one visit deemed me unfit for duties. The organisation couldn’t find me another suitable role within.

I didn’t care about the legal action I could take, I had advise from the union, Disability and the Cancer council. They all said with a few modifications I could continue. The one doctor disagreed with my GP, my endocrinologist, Vascular specialist and my neurologist and oncologist oh and almost forgot the musculoskeletal specialist.

They tell me that with their doctor’s letter I can go on disability. I had to tell them that no, that’s not how it works. I have been working for the past 8 months and have had the all clear, so one doctor saying that I am unfit for duties, means nothing to Centrelink. All they see is a woman who while ill can function and work.

But the writing was on the wall, they didn’t want me and I was at the point of not wanting them.

I only want a proper package when I leave because they are basically sacking me.

But I am not giving up as you know. I am not ready to curl up and die. I will get another job, I will get more involved in organisations and do more with my church.

One of the funny thing is that when I tell people of the Crow incident, so many agree its a sign. People who would normally say they don’t believe in signs, say they got a shiver when I tell them and explain the relationship of the animals to us (as Aboriginal people). My good friends and family all agree it was a warning from my mum. I believe in spirituality. I don’t see any contradiction in being a Catholic and following my beliefs handed down to me by my mother and Aunties. Often the beliefs and stories are similar to the Irish side. We all believe in life after death. We all believe our ancestors look over us and protect us. We all believe in spirits and Sacred Sites.

So all in all I am saying the reason I am going and not causing a whoha is that I was given a sign.

Let me add a bit more to this story as this just popped into my mind. When we were kids and we moved down to the Bayside region, my parents were looking at houses to buy. Well they looked at quiet a few. One house it seemed like they were going to get. to me it sounded like a dream two-story, garage and playroom (what a concept) down stairs built-in wardrobes. But they went to see one more house. this house as they inspected it. Wooden, fibro interior, Toilet and Laundry almost outside, connected with a built-in verandah to make it join up. Everything I didn’t want. But one thing it had…A bloody big carpet snake out in the laundry. As the story goes the real estate guy almost had a heart attack. He didn’t know how it got in the house, as it wall all locked up. Also he had been there in the morning to show another family. As he tried to usher my parents away, (he must have been thinking he had lost the sale) my mother said we’ll buy it. My Da, didn’t bat an eye lid. He said he knew an unwinnable argument when he saw one and that was it. We are Wakka Wakka people. Carpet snake Wakka Wakka, and very proud of it. He knew that it was a sign that we had to have that house and not the house of my dreams!

So we all packed up and moved into that house and every time I rode to school going past the house that I wanted, I always felt let down. Why did the bloody snake have to be in our house, why didn’t he come to the house that I wanted. But you can’t argue with signs. They are there for a reason. and I don’t know the reason. I just know that, that house was full of love and kids, ours and strays. The door was always open. and it became home.



About proudblacksista

An Aboriginal woman. mother of 4 diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumour 7 years ago.I want to share my story to help others. I am working to help other Aboriginal people face the battles of Cancer. Email me with your stories or concerns at aboriginalcancer.com View all posts by proudblacksista

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