Cancer the Heartbreak Hotel

I’m a bloke I have cancer, it’s a skin cancer, I surf and go out to the beach a lot never put on sunscreen as I am a black fella so didn’t think I needed it.

When I went to the hospital to get it cut out they all treated me like I was an exhibition in the zoo, everyone had to come in and look at the black who had a melanoma. They seemed more interested in talking about it and sharing it than talking to me.

I had the thing cut out of my arm, it was small, that’s what I thought, but it was bigger underneath. So it was a bigger surgery than I expected.

I couldn’t work for a while and had to have someone with me to help me dress cook and even go to the toilet. My girlfriend and family helped me with this. I thought I was alright and that it wasn’t too big a deal.

I seemed to have recovered and then they talk of taking medications which I didn’t understand what they would do, it was to stop it from coming back or something. I had this cream to put on other spots I had. I had to get mole checks and someone checking area’s I couldn’t see.

I was fine and then they told me there was still some cancer left in my arm and I needed more surgery. This time I had no time left at work to use and my boss was pretty cool and let me work as I could. So I only got paid when I worked. The surgery was done and I lost aa big part of my arm. So worrying about dressing and pissing were the last thing on my mind. I couldn’t use my arm and Had to have someone dress me and help me piss and wipe my arse.

My girlfriend stuck by me through all of this event though I told her to leave. I drank too much and didn’t really care. All I knew was that I could never use my arm again properly. I couldn’t surf and what was the point of life if I had to live it everyday with someone helping me. I tried to get the disability pension but couldn’t I am on sickness benefits and they assess me every couple of months. But whats the point. I am not going to be able to work properly ever again, so why not let me get disability.

I go to physio when I am told to but that runs its course and then I have to wait to be referred again and this they say holds up progress. So how can I get better when the medical system doesn’t take me seriously or Centrelink.

I have tried to kill myself a couple of times I don’t know if I am a failure at that or if my girlfriend is right, that its just not my time. But I can tell you that its fucked going through this and when people ask to tell your story, its not a story it’s a nightmare. I have no idea of the assistance out there that people at the hospital talk about they talk about it but never give me numbers or call in these helpers.


About proudblacksista

An Aboriginal woman. mother of 4 diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumour 7 years ago.I want to share my story to help others. I am working to help other Aboriginal people face the battles of Cancer. Email me with your stories or concerns at View all posts by proudblacksista

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