I was diagnosed with cancer, ovarian cancer and when I say I have cancer everyone assumes I have breast cancer. So I have to explain it to people which is really shame, why can’t people accept there is more to cancer than breast cancer for women.
I was totally out of my depth, I never had anyone to talk to people talked to me of pink ribbons, I don’t even know what ribbon I am supposed to wear. I have tried to be open about it, I have heard from people being open and honest is the best thing to do. But whats the point when they don’t understand.
I first thought I had done something wrong, had sex with too many men but that has nothing to do with it. The nurses at the hospital were always lovely they would talk to me about things but they couldn’t help me when I needed help with some things. They helped me with transport but with that you have to pay and you can be sitting at the hospital for hours on end feeling sick in the transit lounge waiting to go home.
People look at you differently, and them old girls just look at you and nod down there and don’t talk about it. I was lost in a maze of nothingness. I had no support because my parents found it hard to deal with, and I had to console them, when all I wanted was for them to console me.
I was sick so often and would end up on my bed covered in vomit and shit, and no one there to clean it up but me, some times I stayed in my own mess for a couple of days because I was too sick to get out of bed or clean myself or my bed. I heard people talk about nurses visiting patients but no one talked to me about that. No one came to see me. I didn’t know who to ask. Who takes care of me.
I wanted to kill myself so many times I tried a couple of times but it didn’t work. I ended up moving back to my parents home and that was the worst. My father was always yelling at me and my mum was always crying. People come to visit and they would say I looked tired and go and rest. I never saw anyone never went anywhere. I felt like I was being held hostage to the shame of me being sick. I didn’t know of any counselling places out there didn’t know much of anything really.
Nobody was there nobody could lead me out of the maze. I am no in remission, and I hope I never get it again. I am trying to get my life back together I want someone to have a role somewhere to talk to our people to help Indigenous people to show us where to get help.