Monthly Archives: May 2015

Dear Son

Dear Son,

I love you, endlessly and totally. You are so important to me and such a big part of my life.

I am sorry for what I have done to you. You are a young man in your prime, you don’t need a mother who is sick and unable to do things. I thank you for all the times you have been there, picked me up off the ground, had to lift me. I hate that you have had to be at my bedside, waiting for me to die, I sometimes think it would have been better if I did, rather than have you face that vigil so many times.

I am sorry for all the times you needed me and I wasn’t there. I am sorry for the drama I brought into this house and the effect it has had on you. You are so strong, but even the strongest must fall at some point from the load they are carrying. I wish it wasn’t you.

You have been my rock, yet I have not returned the favour, I have let you down. You needed me, but I was to blind to see. You needed help, but I wasn’t there to give you aid. I have failed you on so many levels.

I cannot tell you enough how much I love you. I need you in my life you are my bear. Please forgive me for not being all that I should have been. I hope you will forgive me for not understanding when you needed and wanted me.

I have laid too much on you, just thinking of how you are my rock. You needed a break from it all and I didn’t notice, I didn’t read the signs. Selfish is what I am, I was consumed with trying to help another, thinking that you at least have some one, but that some one, being me, was not paying attention.

I ask you to forgive me and to let me help you now. Don’t back off and shun me, I need to know you are alright and I need to be there with you, to make sure you are alright.

I love you and always will. Sorry that I have let you down.

Your mum

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How do you help someone who won’t help themselves

As you know I have some one staying in my house because of DV issues. We have taken her and the kids in. We love them like family. But the problem is that this woman is not the one we know and love. This is a woman who is wasted on drugs and has had far too much alcohol in her life.

We are trying to get her to stand up on her own two feet that’s a problem, she is always whingeing and whining that she is unwell. She watches the laptop constantly and doesn’t attend appointments unless we physically take her, otherwise its just too hard, too far to walk, I don’t know which bus to catch.

She gets up late the kids are never on time at school unless we do. I am trying to cut back on doing for her, but she doesn’t seem to get it. That it’s time for her to put on her big girl pants and start doing the right thing by herself and her kids.

The kids constantly have accidents and wet their beds, they are too old for this, but unless I make the mother bring out the wet things they won’t get washed. I have to wash everything in a healthy dose of bleach, to ensure all the germs are gone. I have low immunity and I am cleaning up another persons children because she won’t do it. or she will do it once she has finished watching whatever episode of whatever shit it is she is watching.

Motherhood is a gift and it is wasted on this woman. She is so far gone and so far from the person I used to know that I know Child services will intervene and that will be good, for the children.

The children have yet to face the issues of being hurt by her ex partner and She tells the children, nay she trains the children in what to say to Child services, this makes it harder, when they see and know there are problems. But the mother is more concerned about herself and making sure she doesn’t get any blame that she is ruining her children further.

These kids are lovely and it breaks my heart being with them, especially when one of them told me to tell her that I loved her like I told my daughter before she went off to school. So I did. She then tells me that mummy never says she loves her. Heartbreaking really. But all I can do is be there for these kids and hope they will get justice despite their mothers interference.