Dear Son

Dear Son,

I love you, endlessly and totally. You are so important to me and such a big part of my life.

I am sorry for what I have done to you. You are a young man in your prime, you don’t need a mother who is sick and unable to do things. I thank you for all the times you have been there, picked me up off the ground, had to lift me. I hate that you have had to be at my bedside, waiting for me to die, I sometimes think it would have been better if I did, rather than have you face that vigil so many times.

I am sorry for all the times you needed me and I wasn’t there. I am sorry for the drama I brought into this house and the effect it has had on you. You are so strong, but even the strongest must fall at some point from the load they are carrying. I wish it wasn’t you.

You have been my rock, yet I have not returned the favour, I have let you down. You needed me, but I was to blind to see. You needed help, but I wasn’t there to give you aid. I have failed you on so many levels.

I cannot tell you enough how much I love you. I need you in my life you are my bear. Please forgive me for not being all that I should have been. I hope you will forgive me for not understanding when you needed and wanted me.

I have laid too much on you, just thinking of how you are my rock. You needed a break from it all and I didn’t notice, I didn’t read the signs. Selfish is what I am, I was consumed with trying to help another, thinking that you at least have some one, but that some one, being me, was not paying attention.

I ask you to forgive me and to let me help you now. Don’t back off and shun me, I need to know you are alright and I need to be there with you, to make sure you are alright.

I love you and always will. Sorry that I have let you down.

Your mum

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About proudblacksista

An Aboriginal woman. mother of 4 diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumour 7 years ago.I want to share my story to help others. I am working to help other Aboriginal people face the battles of Cancer. Email me with your stories or concerns at aboriginalcancer.com View all posts by proudblacksista

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