Dying my way

Did you see Q&A it was really interesting talking about assisted death and palliative care. I believe that I have the right to choose how I die. I know I am going to die. I know that I will end up in a lot of pain. I know that I will lose a lot of brain function and not be me.

So with this in mind I made up my mind long ago. I have talked to my children and family. I have said that when it gets to the end stage, I don’t want to be resuscitated, I don’t want machines to keep me alive. I want to die on my own terms. I feel very strongly about this, I am a Catholic and believe that suicide is a terrible sin, but I know the reality of life, I know many people have done it as they are in a black hole. I know of people who have done it as they didn’t want to die in a horrible way. I know that I risk my soul by doing this, but that is something that I am willing to do. Not just out of my own self idea of keeping in control, but I don’t want my kids have to watch me suffer. I watched my father suffer, I don’t want my kids to see me.

We put down animals and say its the only humane thing to do. But with people we don’t do that. If you are in palliative care you can go naturally which means that you can go without fluids and foods for days. One person on Q&A told the story of someone going for 14 days, now to me that is not humane, I know that they had pain relief, but really how do we let someone go like that? If a person on Manus Island goes on a hunger strike we automatically hospitalise them and force fluids into them. Am I the only one to see the irony in this?

Some doctors release pain relief a little bit faster to help a person along. But really this is not the only life we have. We have a soul and we are taught that the soul lives on, so is life just one stage on the journey of the soul?

I want to die on my terms I want to go with dignity and pride. I want to be able to talk to my children and say good-bye to them. I don’t want to be in a vegetative state or drooling. I want to go feeling the love of my children and being in a position to pray for them and to pray for my forgiveness as I pass.

Thank you

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About proudblacksista

An Aboriginal woman. mother of 4 diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumour 7 years ago.I want to share my story to help others. I am working to help other Aboriginal people face the battles of Cancer. Email me with your stories or concerns at aboriginalcancer.com View all posts by proudblacksista

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