I had to visit the hospital yet again, for pain, while I was there I was asked if I still believe in euthanasia and if I still want it for myself. I am still for euthanasia and I still want to die my own way with dignity.
The person (nurse who has treated me many a time) thought I might have changed my mind from when I was very sick and close to death to now. She said that if I had been able to die then I wouldn’t be here now, in better health.
This makes no difference to me. I wanted to die when I was very ill and more dead than alive. I had two years of pain and loss of control of my body, my mind and my dignity. I would have preferred to die. I still stand by that. Yes I am alive now, and it was hard to get to the point I am now, but no nothing has changed. If I get that bad again, I won’t go to a hospital I will die at home.
My quality of life is not like it used to be, I can’t get a permanent job because of the tumor, I can’t drive at night or on overcast days, because I can’t see. I also get a lot of pain if the sun glare is wrong. I suffer with the fractures from weakened bones, I can’t even do the gardening without being in pain. It seems like I do something then spend a day or two on painkillers. I can’t go to concerts or shows any more, I can’t play with my kids or nieces and nephews. Yes it’s a small price to pay for being alive. But I still want to die when I am ready, before I get to the stage that I have lived through before. No one should be able to stop me from dying with dignity.