Holidays are over

I haven’t been on since November because of holidays and my tumour is not behaving. Brain Tumours don’t like heat, and well its been very hot here since November.

Since I last posted I have been having a lot of fainting attacks and black-outs, I am talking about being off with the fairies. I am awake, talk to my kids but have no memory of it after.

I had a bad black out many years ago and when I snapped out of it, I was standing over my son with dumbbells in my hand. I had apparently walked away mid sentence with my daughters to go into my sons room and threaten him with these. That was the first time the doctors took it seriously that I was having black outs.

Over the past few weeks I have cried and ran away from my youngest daughter, I was told that I thought she was the devil.

I went to the doctor and was told to keep cool, don’t get stressed or upset (these are things that affect me) and the doctor wanted to put me on Valium.  The problem of fainting and blackouts continued so I stopped taking the Valium. I try to keep cool. I spend my days in front of two fans or library. I do house work in a small bursts. Do a job, then run back to the fan to keep cool. I have tried very hard to not be stressed, or cranky with my kids (if you have teens you know how hard that can be). I rest a lot. But the it just keeps happening.

My constant friend the headache cannot compare with the worry that this is causing me. My headache is worse after an, let us say..episode? I feel like I have a hangover I have a headache and my stomach feels terrible after each event. I think this is from stress and worry about all of this.

I go off to the specialists to discuss this on going issue and two doctors disagree. One wants to admit me to hospital while they run tests. The other, wants to run some tests but do a watch and see. This is my life and my head, I wanted to be admitted to hospital I wanted to have someone see what happens and maybe they can do ECG while I am tripping out. It would ease the burden on my kids, or someone needs to be around mum all the time, just in case.

At the moment I feel like a prisoner in my own house. I am not game to go out, I might faint while driving and kill someone. I might blackout and talk rubbish or do something foolish while I am out of it. I can’t take the youngest out for holiday fun, or even drop her off to catch up with friends. She has to ask her brother.

I will continue doing these tests and hopefully will have something to report soon.



About proudblacksista

An Aboriginal woman. mother of 4 diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumour 7 years ago.I want to share my story to help others. I am working to help other Aboriginal people face the battles of Cancer. Email me with your stories or concerns at View all posts by proudblacksista

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