You can never forget

People will forget what you said,

people will forget what you did,

but people will never forget how you made them feel. – Maya Angelou

These strong words are so true. I look at how my behaviour has changed with the brain tumour. I shudder when I think of the things I have said to my children. The horrible words I have thrown at them, the accusations the contempt the hate. I have to own that. I have to accept that and not shy away from it. Sure I had no control over what I have said, but the damage is done. My kids can’t forget that I have said I hate them, over and over again. No matter how many times I tell them I love them, those words are branded into their hearts. Yes they know that it wasn’t really mama, but it has an effect on them.

My kids are wonderful humans, they have had to live in a hell of a woman who can’t control what she says because of medications and black outs. I have told my kids some horrible things. I went through a stage of always calling one daughter a slut. What does that do to a young woman? That is just one example of the things I have said to the kids. They will never forget and with somethings have decided that it must be what mama really thinks of them.

I hope my kids can forgive me for not just making them live with a health issue that has taken over all our lives, that has meant huge adjustments, that has meant no extra money for fun things. I hope they can forgive me for being the person who says terrible horrible things to them. I hope they forgive me for saying it to them

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About proudblacksista

An Aboriginal woman. mother of 4 diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumour 7 years ago.I want to share my story to help others. I am working to help other Aboriginal people face the battles of Cancer. Email me with your stories or concerns at aboriginalcancer.com View all posts by proudblacksista

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