A reader update

I posted a young woman’s story in December 2015. The person has contacted me again to give an update, that I am sharing with you.

 

Hello Colleen, I found you again and reading what has been happening I decided I would let you know how I am travelling. I have survived ovarian cancer, I think australia should celebrate that I survived, I found out that a lot of people don’t survive, especially Aboriginals, I agree the cost is way too much. How can the average australian afford it. I watched my family tear themselves apart with the cost, it’s a bitch being the reason why your brothers can’t go on school camp and the one who is more important than the boys playing football, yep I’m the one who took the money that was meant for the family holiday. I watched my parents cut all activities for my brothers so they could buy the stuff I had to take, so that they could be there with me in hospital and take me to appointments. I saw my family argue over it all the time and my brothers get angry that they couldn’t do anything, they hated me at times because their lives stopped because of me. We had no fun, no movie nights, no football grandfinals no school dance or camps. we didn’t have sleep overs or friends coming over, because all the money was spent on me or I was sick, I was always sick, anything that was going around you could be sure I would catch it. My parents fought over money all the time. I felt bad, I was responsible for all of this. I hated myself for being the one that spoilt our family. A kid from a canteen thing said we should fundraise and that her family did that and they make enough money to cover some of the stuff and take a holiday. We tried, we didn’t make much money, I don’t think a black girl needing money is as important as a white girl. Our school did a cancer fundraiser, using a photo of me, would have preferred them to not do that, but they made me feel bad when I asked them not too. I felt like I was ungrateful that they cared and wanted to raise money for research. I am a bitch because I would have liked some of that money to be given to my family to help them with the bills. I am glad I am not in that school anymore, I hated the teasing, they called me fuzzy wuzzy angel when my hair was growing back. my friends thought I had been having random sex and hook ups and that’s why I got ovarian cancer. It is all over now and I am trying to move on in my life. I have had enough of bad stuff.

 

Original post December 2015

I will tell you who I am ….. I am a student with ovarian cancer. I had no idea a girl in high school could get something like that. Who is out there talking about it and helping us. I went to the doctor and my mum was sure I was pregnant. She was wrong, I have this stupid thing in my uterus. Who thinks about this when you are trying to get good grades. I want to go to university, I want to travel. now I am looking at surgery, chemotherapy and a lot of drugs. I don’t want to go through this. I have to do it alone, because who understands what I am thinking or what this thing is? My mum got a lady at the hospital to talk to me, I think she was from the hospital? She was a lot older than me, she had kids and a job and was telling me how good life will be and to be posative but, she has done what I want to do. How do I find someone who knows what it is like when you are young? Why are all the cancer ads of women who are white, rich and middle age? Where are the other races? where are the young? the only thing I see with young people all are about lukemia. We don’t fit into the box that is out htere where is us? where do we fit in?…

 


Mothers day

Love and prayers, to all the mothers who have or had cancer, who have supported family and friends with cancer. Extra Blessings on those who because of treatment, can’t hug their kids.

Mothers day is a day to celebrate your mother, but it has mixed emotions when you have lost your mother. I lost my mother to cancer, and I miss her every day. I think I would be a better mother, if she was around. She passed away, just before my son was born, she was so excited for that birth. She couldn’t wait to meet him. Yes, she knew he was going to be a boy, while the rest of us had to wait to find out. My mum with one of her friends made so many baby clothes and one, they were so proud of was a little sailor suit.  My children have missed her, even though three of them have never met her, they know the stories and heard all about her from their pop and aunties and uncles. One of my daughters looks so much like her, it’s often commented on, she has a link with her nan because of that, she has a little Daphne face. But they have missed out on knowing a wonderful, peaceful, loving woman. The door was always open, my mum was always there to lend a helping hand. She would sit with people who just wanted to talk, or needed a shoulder to cry on.

She raised her family to be proud of their heritage, to hold their head up high. She told all the girls in the family they were as good as the boys, if not better and to not let anyone put you down. She used to say “You’re black and your female, the world already has it against you. You go out there, hold your head up and show them what a black woman can do”.  She used to tell her daughters, “you’re black, you’re beautiful, you’re you, don’t be afraid to be black and beautiful”. When I had my first child and my mums friends, were sitting around OPAL sharing advice, my mums advice was, “I don’t want to be the mum with the cleanest floors, I want to be the mum who had time and played with her kids”. She did just that. Our house was messy, it was always clean, floors mopped everything dusted, but it was messy, with kids, toys everything. She had time for her kids. Her kids, weren’t just her biological children, but the other children she raised, or who just were at our house.

She was not all profound quotes, she was a bit of a ratbag at times, especially if you were cleaning. One of her favorite tricks, was to dance, where we had just mopped, now when you’re a kid and someone does that, you just want to get angry. But my mum would dance and sing “Whistle While You Work”, this was so lame, that you would end up giggling, and that would encourage her to do more. She was a great cook, and enjoyed cooking, she didn’t enjoy preparing a meal, but enjoyed when she could just bake, or have fun with food. This experimentation wasn’t welcome to my da, who was a bit of a grump and a meat and potato kind a man. But us kids, we loved the different flavors she came up with.

My mum loved to sit down with a cuppa and have a chat, or tell stories, the funny incidents from her childhood, or the sad. She was a born storyteller, she believed that was the way to pass on our history. Stories were of our family, of her time being a domestic, how she had to go to the black window every time she was allowed to buy something. The good the bad and the very ugly. My favorite story was of my parents wedding. How hard it was for them to marry a white Irish immigrant to an Aboriginal woman. But they did it. My mum always said, “Love sees no colour”.

Happy Mothers Day Mum, I love you and miss you.


No-support Group

This is a reader story.

I have been living with cancer for 2 years. It started as a little thing I had to get a biopsy and take some tablets. I didn’t understand why people complain about it the treatment seemed so easy.

Then another spot showed up I had to start taking different tablets and they made me feel queesy but its a small price to pay. I had to get my breast removed, I thought thats alright I will still be alive and had more tablets.

I had a leaky bag instead of a breast it started to feel bad, it started to feel no good, it wasn’t just a little surgery and tablets. I started to think the women who complain had a point.

I had a counsellor and she was good I guess, I joined a suppport group and it was not good I guess I didn’t fit in. They spoke of suppliments, herbal tea, having a day spa to relax and finding “me” time during the adjustment. I spoke about gumbi, bush medicne, bush tucker and going bush, sitting under a tree on the riverbank. They insulted me when I spoke about eating roo burgers. They looked down on me when I said I couldn’t do a spa.

They had help with house work and shopping, I had nothing, I struggled to keep my place clean and it hurt. I asked them who helped them it was a cancer council they organise a lot of help. I contacted them and I got the phone numbers of the Aboriginal organizations around and told to assk them.

I did I felt taht I should have had the offered to me like the women in my support group. I thought they should help everyone equally. I paid for someone to come in to help with the housework from the Aboriginal organization, the support group women weren’t having to pay for their help. I left that no support group when they talked about Aboriginal people getting evrything and that people like me are a pimple on the face of the country.


Cancer debt

Another story from a brother that wants to share…

 

I’ve read your blog and thought I would share with you my own, don’t use my name but can you email me privately. I have Gastric adenocarcinoma to the layman that means stomach cancer. Stage III, I guess I brought on the cancer in someway, the doctor gives me that look and shakes his head.  I have been called non compliant for not taking all my mediccne, the reason I hadn’t took them was simple, I couldn’t afford the bloody things.

Let me tell you, chemotherapy, radiation therapy and surgery had me off work for a couple of months, then more chemotherapy and lots of pills and tablets some of them cost $140 dollars for a box of 21 tablets, you put that with the cost of the tablets you take while having the therapies and then you have the tablets for all the upsets that those medications cost. I was paying out $600.00 a fortnight on a good turn and $600.00 when symptoms would change. I don’t earn millions, I thought I had a good wage until this. I have medical insurance, but that doesn’t help me with the bills, and I found that the more money I paid to doctors and the hospital the less I was getting back from the company. I found that some xrays and tests cost way too much. Paying a couple of hundred for xrays and ultrasounds for my stomach every couple of weeks adds up to a couple of thousand in a short time. I took holiday leave that covered me for a short time, I applied for sickness benefits, I thought I would fit the requirements, I wasn’t working, I was unable to work, I hoped to go back to work but I didn’t get it. I wasn’t eligible, how was I to make ends meet. How do I pay for medications, tests, hospital, doctors and all the extra stuff that is on those bills, while I still had to pay off my car loan, rent, food, clothing, schooling and the other extra stuff. My wife wage pays some of it, but really no where near enough, luckily we have only one child, 10 so at least that’s a bit cheaper than a baby. But there is never enough money.

I checked with my family doctor about close the gap, I thought this might save some money, it did but only on the medications that I had already reached some threshold of buy medications, so some medications, were free. Did you know that? When you pay over a couple of hundred dollares for some medications you can get them for free for a year, I didn’t kow that until the doctor told me. Even with this it didn’t help with the medicine that costs over a hundred dollars and I had 3 lots of those. It doesn’t help with the xrays and ultrasounds that cost a lot and that the health insurance company gives you back less and less because you need so many of them. I noticed a few doctors seem to want to save the hospital money and not the patient, they tell you to get your family doctor to check on this and that, you tell your doctor and he sends you for the tests, instead of getting them in the hospital, my doctor told me that, it saves the hospital money but you have to pay for them, costing you money that you can’t afford. I had to find ways to make the medical bills smaller and this kind of things doesn’t help.

Of course we cut back on things at home, I wasn’t looking to save money by intentially cutting my treatments, if I thought of doing that my family would have stopped me. We don’t live an extravagant way, we are humble, pay our bills, don’t drink or smoke, once a month we try to do something fun as a family, maybe go to a movie and have dinner at Sizzler. We all play sport and that was the first thing that went, no more basketball, that was tough on the little guy, but he understood. We gave up the once a month family outing, we cut foxtel, we cut back, we bought mainly homebrand everything. All this and it still wasn’t enough, I still had trouble making ends meet. I had times when we had to make a choice do we buy groceries or pay off the car loan or do we buy the medication. I never once stinted on the rent, I was scared that if we go behind we would be evicted. I thought of selling the car, then I would have no more car loan to pay off, of course I couldn’t do that because it would have cost more in the end, when you weigh it up, taxi cost a lot. Yes I could take a bus to the doctor he wasn’t too far from us, the hospital I had treatment was about fifty kilometres and a four bus changes I know my limitations and I know that would be too much for me on a sick day, I am not a tough or big inner strength person, I think I lack in those areas. Other arguments in favour of keeping the car were carrying shopping home, getting my son around to friends or family. End result no selling the car. I was still a man trying to make the money spread, not enough money too many bills. I had times where I my prescription ran out and I couldn’t afford $140 for tablets. I felt embarrassed about this I didn’t want to tell anybody that I was too broke to get medicine. It took a while before the doctors caught on that I was not always having my medicine. I became sick and had an infection that just wouldn’t budge so I went into hospital for about a week, that’s when they found out that I was sometimes not taking my medicine. I told them I just forgot to take them on occasion, I didn’t want them to know the truth. Everybody in the hospital or going through treatment seem to have it together, they don’t seem to be struggling to pay the bills, they don’t seem to be scared that they could die, they don’t seem to be scared for their family, they seem to have a different reality from me, almost live in a different world. I was ashamed that I was broke. My wife made things worse, when she said that she always reminded me to take my tablets, I could have killed her, but when we were left alone, I had to tell her the truth that I wasn’t always buying the medicine, because we couldn’t afford them. I had to tell her that I didn’t want her worrying and crying anymore about it, so I didn’t tell her.

I can cope with the pain, I can cope with the overly friendly and loving people because you have cancer. I can cope with not working, not being able to do much activity because of the pain. I cannot cope with the lack of money. The uncertainty of could we be evicted, could we lose the car, could we cope with no shopping. Not having enough money to pay for the day to day things. Not having enough money to buy my child a school jumper. In my mind, going without a tablet here and there was the obvious choice. I wasn’t wanting to die, but I wasn’t wanting my family to suffer. I don’t think anyone with cancer should have to choose between medicine and other bills, surely there are enough people with cancer that the government should make all the medications on the benefits scheme or some other scheme. Reading you I have found that I am not alone, If the government really wants to help with the gap, maybe one thing it could do is to make all cancer medications cheaper for Aboriginal people. Cancer medication should be on the close the gap, I read that a lot of Aboriginal and Islander people have cancer and die from it, maybe having cheaper medicine could help that. Cancer council should be helping to get medicine cheaper. I think because cancer doesn’t make you sick for a day or a week it makes you sick and the time off work is a long period the government should automatically allow sickness benefits while you have treatment and for the recovery period. Cancer affects all the different parts of your life, it’s not a small thing, helping patients should be the gold standard. Struggling to pay medication should not be something that anyone has to face, if you can’t afford them then you are noncompliant and they think you are lazy so the doctors and nurses don’t take you seriously or they think you are trying to die or get attention, silly really but that is how the system works and you then have to waste time talking to social workers and counselors who once you explain why, then shrug their collective shoulders and tell you to contact lifeline or something like that. It really doesn’t help.

I am getting better, but I am in debt, we had to take out a loan a big loan that I would have preferred to buy a house than have to pay for medicine. I had two years away from my work, and they don’t want me back after such a long time, it’s nothing personal, but it feels like it. I am working parttime until I get completely well and I can get a fulltime job. I will be paying for my cancer for the rest of my life. I should be grateful, but I can’t when I think of the financial burden I have put on my family. Thanks for hearing me.


Racism in Health

I have shared many stories of the racism that Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people have faced when seeking medical help for their cancer.

You can lodge a complaint with the hospital or clinic or even the General Practice. You can speak to an Indigenous Health Worker to help you find out how to do it, or talk to the Indigenous Hospital Liaison Officer.

Have a look at the “Racism it stops withe me” website for ways to complain, what to do if you experience it, or see a racist action.

https://itstopswithme.humanrights.gov.au


Story of Gran

Reader Story

 

When this happened, it wasn’t a cancer story, it was a racist story. My sister rang me to come up to the hospital, our gran had fallen and was rushed there. I found them in the emergency and my gran was in pain. She was hurting and she had a suspected broken hip. I didn’t want to see her in pain and I tried to get the attention of one of the people in surgical scrubs, I had no idea who was a nurse, doctor or wardsman. I caught someones eye and he came over I said could my gran get something for the pain. He looked at her and looked, went back to the station and found her file came back over and looked at her again. He said she would have to wait until they had her in a cubicle so they could assess her. I asked my sister how long they had been waiting. She gauged it at about an hour, I asked this man how much longer would my gran have to wait, since she has been waiting a bit. He called over a woman who said that it could be a while as it was busy. I asked her if my gran could have something for the pain. She looked at the file, looked at gran and told us to just wait a minute, she found the ambos who brought nan in and asked if they had given her anything and what the situation was. They said they hadn’t given her anything and that she had a suspected broken hip. I was starting to get flustered and loudly asked why no one had given an old woman with a broken hip any help for her pain? Why was she still on the ambulance gurney?  Funny that my raising my voice changed things, another person came over, it was a regular little party around my in pain gran. This man, looked at gran and asked if she was

auntie _ _ _ _ . Yes she is. He said I know her she comes in the hospital and does those Aboriginal days. A cubicle was found, gran was given a whistle and send off for x-rays and she had a broken hip and she had something stronger for her pain. If she wasn’t known how much longer would she have waited? We found out while she was in hospital she had cancer, the break showed it up. She goes in and out of the hospital and always checks on Dr _ _ _  he makes sure she is treated good.


Brave woman, fighting too many battles

A shared story…

Year 2009 End of 2008 School Holiday’s..

  1. We were on a bus heading to the movie’s at South bank . The bus driver had trouble stopping and put his foot on the brake and when it happen my arm for some reason hit my breast I felt a lump quiet big actually and all day long I kept thinking about it so when I got home I check but couldn’t find it, The next day I thought I go to a doctor and have it check I was told not to worry cause I had a breast check six months before but when I told the principle about how big it felt she got the school child support officer to take me over to the hospital and have it check yea I went through the testing and needles and ultrasounds and told to go home and the next morning way before 7 am my doctor rings Dr …. goes …. you better come and see me it’s not good news, I knew in my own heart that I had the breast cancer and knowing I felt the size.
  2. So of I went to see him and the arrangements were made to see the Specialist  and I was put in the hospital instantly and had it cut out taking most of the breast and the breast cancer was on the back wall the doctor said it was unusual for that to come forward but I was lucky for it to come out that day I felt it. Three weeks later I started my first course of treatment of chemo and it was so hard the next day I couldn’t move I felt so sick I lost my hair with in that week and took a taxi to the hospital they looked at the dose and said they needed to do a heart check yea it wasn’t meant to be they had to change the chemo treatment as they said if I had stayed on it I go out in a bag sad part my son was there crying non stop and when he started I started.
  3. So I stayed in there for a few day’s and came home feeling a little better and thought how am I going to survive I’m 52 and got two boys 12 and 9 years of age that needed me will this chemo work or will it get the better of me I had to stop and not think of what I was going through  and work to educated my self to get in the work force when the treatment was finished. Life was hard not knowing and I had a lot going on that got the better of me and it to had to be dealt with my 9 year old who was removed from a sporting club because the coach didn’t like aboriginals no one stood up for my son and he was told to leave, that the club took the coach’s advise to remove the child my son didn’t fight nor did he have any issues the only thing he wanted was to take the field he was kick out the day I was told I had breast cancer so yea it was all to much with no support for him and the feeling of not having a friend to stand by me to get him back in the gates to play footy every one turn there backs on us when it came to racism’s in a sporting club and no one wanted there kids kicked out if they stood by us so we had to take the shit and step aside and allow them to bully my child because  he was aboriginal .
  4. Any way I went through every three weeks of treatment of chemo and took on doing Certificate 111 in Teacher Aid and Done a Certificate in Tenancy Advice and Certificate 111 in Business Administration . I really tried to improved on learning but it wasn’t meant to be because on the last cause of chemo I had lost the feelings in my fingers and went home from the hospital and tried to light the gas stove but it wasn’t lighting I was actually lighting my fingers and never felt it. Four days later I woke up crying in  pain. And of all days it was NADOIC in ……… park and no one was around that I could get in contact with so I rung the principle at my boys school and she arrange for a worker from school to race me into hospital.
  5. I was taken straight upstairs and had fingers amputated and 3 months of having a machine to keep my fingers alive and fingers sewed together than taken back up stairs for them to cut my fingers apart and also go through 26 days of radiation .
  6. I thought things were coming together I just got the pay out from …… and my boys and I had done my house out with all new furniture and the Christmas tree was up  and presents under it I was just so excited and looking forwards to Christmas. But life wasn’t meant to be while I was in the hospital someone broke into my house they destroyed it taking the presents and pouring all my food out they ripped the new lounges took all the new TV’S and ran sack my house leaving us with nothing my boys and I spent Christmas with out any thing it tore me apart and all I kept saying was why me.
  7. My sister in law and I took 3 days cleaning it up and having to pay a skip to take away the things that were destroyed I have never forgot it and neither have my boys my 12 year old had to learn to budget my money and to shop for the things we needed and the youngest learnt to mow the yard and I learnt to be a stronger person through all the things that tested me. We weren’t insured for any thing and life was shit to think of all I had done with the redress money and I didn’t end up owing any thing .
  8. My sister in law said don’t think what you have lost think of whats ahead if you don’t move forwards life will drag you down sad part she was right. And out of the chemo my fingers were left deform and I have little use of my hand I can’t write with a pen but can type with one finger and can’t hold a cup I had a habit of saying I was a re-tart left with the branding’s of chemo the doctors didn’t tell me I could loose the feelings in my fingers and toes I learn’t that the hard way. I tried to sue the hospital for not giving me any information of loosing the feelings and having my fingers amputated but that had to be done in the first twelve months I left my running to late cause I didn’t know that they had a policy in the hospital after twelve months you just can’t take them on.
  9. And through this the course of it all I learn’t to be more positive in the way I did things did I ever get work not on your nelly I was down looked upon because my hand looks deform and not to many people were interested in some one old so life is on a disability pension and life is just taking my boy to footy yes he went back to the same club and then he had another coach that tried to do the same thing well I gave them a run for there money and I took the club to the Human Rights Commission and I was prepared to stand up for my son and our rights to be treated equal yea the club has to follow the agreements  and my son gets the right to play the game he loves, Why did I take my child back it was because he hadn’t done a thing wrong and I had the right to walk in and be apart of our community with our heads up high.
  10. Did I ever regret any thing  no not really only thing I miss is all the things I bought to make my home comfortable for us to live in and the fact that someone destroyed my house and took all the things I bought. I cried for weeks  knowing I had paid all year chrisco and that was poured through the house and the meat packs taken left with out any thing but had to hold my head up high and move on we don’t have new   furniture now cause its not every day you get a pay out to do your house up so I had to settle for what I could afford still brings a tear that someone could walk in and destroy the furniture and take what they wanted and leave us to struggle with nothing.
  11. But I survived and that’s my story of my run through breast cancer and 2 days later after I left hospital I had to go back for a check up I had the lump on my head  it was a tumor and they wanted me go back into hospital for it to be cut out I refused but I agreed to knowing the damage that was done to my house and I didn’t have much left but I said give me needles to stop me feeling any thing and cut it out and I’ll talk to you when you do it so yea that’s how it was done and stitched up and I walked out they had it tested and I was lucky it wasn’t cancerous but they said had it stayed any longer it would have been so I was lucky there. Knowing I fought stage 3 breast cancer.
  12. Now I take life day by day and I stand for my kids and learn’t to be a person who knows someone above was taking care of me.  Through all this I fought Domestic Violence and the rights of my boys when everything hit it’s a wonder we made it through every thing I had my boys taken care by staff at the school while i had my visits to hospital stayed in on 6 occasions and couldn’t wait to get out each time. My sister in law passed a couple of months after Christmas that year. And life is quiet but I’m the survivor that lived through it all .
  13. I’ve been back again with the breast cancer and fought once again the struggle never once got me down, you don’t realize how much it takes out of you to keep on fighting not once did boys complain they did every thing from washing to shopping paying bills and kept there grades up.Sure all the so call friends dropped of but that didn’t bother me I knew deep down life had to go on. ….. played his footy and took on Referring and showed them all he was a far better person for the things he was dealt with and today he is well respected for who he is and shown them he can walk with his head up high. My ….(other son) stuck his head down in the books and now waiting to see what his OP Score is. And as for me I keep to my self knowing I fought all demons to be where I am, we still take each day as it comes and now have them visits with the doctor but thats life.  I look back today at all with what has happen and the only thing i can say is I still carry that anger with in me when I see the people wearing breast cancer shirts in the club because I get kick out with my son the day I was told I had breast cancer and no one stood up to help us let alone take my boy back when he was falling between the cracks and the parents on the team said we heard what happen to your house ….. sorry we can’t stand with you because we don’t want what has happen to you I was kick to the kerb because a non indigenous man didn’t want to have a murri kid on his team and to coach a murri boy and yet the president took his side sure I got my day with Human Rights and the right to have my son play footy but really they got away destroying my house stealing every thing of value and leaving me with broken shit not to selvage and a life of with nothing. The pay out from the government was to furniture my house and to live in peace. Not to live to this day with shit furniture and struggling to try and buy something on a pension. Now the club is holding a meeting to see how they can change there ways from the club from folding old demons come back to haunt knowing what they put me and my kids through. Every bit of furniture was brand new my kids hadn’t even sat on a chair let alone slept in a bed . We didn’t have an ounce of food I had to borrow a hundred dollars just to feed the kids that week. But at the end of the day my furniture came from road side clean up yes its fowl but one can’t complain at least I have 4 walls to hide the shit and  don’t invite people in to see what crap I live with only 2 people I have asked in but they came when I got out of the hospital and helped carry things into the skip because my hand was still on a machine to keep my fingers alive. As much as I have the anger and the hurt inside I have a boy who loves his footy and his friends and its his dream to do his best and stand tall for what they did deep down he hurts my big boy refuses to ever walk back he holds anger they destroyed his room and took all he had saved and his possessions he said the club did what they did to us and was not accountable for there actions so he stays home and reads and now getting ready to go to university.Its horrible in one way I have to act as if I’ve moved on yet they took away the love of my home and my possessions and wear there breast cancer shirts saying they support breast cancer but kick me out not supporting me when I was going through it because I wrote about the club and there actions to us twice they got coaches to destroy the love of footy with my boy but we got the joy of ending Racism in a footy club. I have met good people through the club and then the shit heads who think they are better people they judge one for the way they dress I don’t dress to impress I am me I put my kids first I live on a small amount of money I can’t work to bring the dollars in and yet made to feel look at her they turn there heads or pretend to acknowledge me but thats fine I know when to walk away so they can run me down whats knew may be if they knew what the club did would they understand how I feel. The club makes my boy feel good with his footy and referring thats all that counts I can come home have my tears behind close doors and they won’t know they got me when I was weak and helpless but they didn’t take my dignity away because I am here still to make them know I don’t run my race of aboriginality taught me to be strong even when I have been hit with the worse of things but the club has great lads who need the club and thats all that counts not the shit people who made life hard but the lads needs everyone support thats why I’m there to make sure no one goes through what I have. And most of all support Teenage Youth Suicide seen and been to many funerals and watched first hand how families have suffered and watched my own boys struggle with the lost of mates and knowing my own father and his sister were gone before they reached 23 years of age yes my father was gone before I turn 2 and I lived the life under the system they paid me out and thats how I bought all the new furniture destroyed by the people who felt murri’s weren’t the time to be taught footy and I can’t throw the towel in to support people who gave my life hell I am a person who stands strong and believe that my children’s dreams have to be given every opportunity in there aims and goals just like when ….. went on the week end to city v country in football with SEQ Squad he came back with new friends one in particular ……….the son of ….(Football player)  (Son)  now talks on fb with …… they played in the same team and (Son) is much happier but he doesn’t forget what he has been put through nor does he for give easy but as he says he gets nervous each year a new coach and the thought it could happen when ya least expect it but he is moving on and takes footy one day at a time.