Don’t Play with Scissors

Yesterday I had one of my wonderful vague outs. This time I didn’t think I was a snail, and I didn’t have a nightmare.

All I know is that I came to with a bad bad haircut. I took to cutting my hair without knowing, so now I have a crooked bad hair cut img_0684 img_0685 img_0687 img_0688 img_0689


Living a Nightmare

Ever read the side effects sheet the pharmacist gives you? If you have, you might be alarmed at some of the side effects from the medications, or you might laugh, but either way, you have read it and understood it and know what you are possibly in for and know when to stop and go and visit the doctor again.  This is a good thing, because sometimes the side effects of the medication is life threatening or just mildly annoying.

I have just spent 2 weeks on a new medication, Lyrica, I was put on this because my brain tumour has been not enjoying the overly hot summer. Yep brain tumours don’t like the heat. Since October last year I have been put on antidepressants to stop me fainting and vaguing out. I have also had those medications doubled and then increased more, just to control the problems I have been having.

Enter the new wonder drug, I was told that being a neuralgia that it will stop the fainting and vague outs. But alas It was not meant to be. I have been living a nightmare for the brief period that I have been on it.

During my time on Lyrica, I have had nightmares that go day and night. I don’t know if I am sleeping or awake. Imagine how terrifying it is to wake from a dream and still have the illusion around you. I am not saying that I was seeing things, but I was feeling things. I was preparing for some kind of evil to attack. I was walking around the house in the dark keeping watch. We found a stash of tinned goods that I had hidden neatly in places. I was preparing. But as I said I was asleep and the thoughts of the dream carried over into waking times. Luckily for my children I realised this, (I found the spot where I would smoke while on guard, cigarette butts and ash all around) told the kids what had been happening made them watch out for anything unusual while I waited to get back into the doctor. I went to see my local GP who agreed with me that I needed to be off it.

Now I am off it, and by general decision by my GP and myself, I am off it permanently and I will double the dose of painkillers, no more antidepressants or neuralgia meds for a while. I will just ride this out and wait for cooler weather.

My other issues with the drug, or maybe just the rollercoaster of changing and trying drugs is that my sight has been blurry and I had a lot of flashes, so I couldn’t read, watch TV or engage in social media.  I guess the worst on a personal level was the effect the drug had on me and the follow on effect of my family, I was an emotional wreck I would snap over nothing and yell and rant and rave. Then I would be crying and all sad about anything like a broken cup, it just wasn’t normal. But imagine being on this drug and having to get surgery? What would be the effects of the anaesthetic mixed with this drug on my system?

Would I get aggressive while having an examination of my jaw? It just isn’t worth the hassle.

 


New Surgery New Problems

I am going to have surgery on my jaw next month, the bone island or tumour is growing and causing pain. So I have decided to do a go fund me campaign to help me raise the money I will need for the medication, tests and surgery.

It’s not cheap, but having cancer is never cheap. At the moment I pay around $200 a week on medication. This is going up because I have been prescribed a newer drug that is over $300 for a 28 day supply.  I wish the medications we cheaper and came under the PBS, but of course they don’t.

So I have set a target of $20,000 to help me pay for everything. I compare that with other times I have had to get surgery and the medications and some of those we about $30,000 But I did my numbers and this shouldn’t be that high. Why am I looking for the money and why is it so much?

I need the surgery quickly and the waiting list is too long. This means I have to pay for the surgical fee, the anaesthetic fee, the hospital fee and the medications.  I have also bargained in for the transport to and from hospital as I won’t be able to drive, and the cost of the pre and post op visits to doctors.

so this is my gofundme campaign, if you can please make a donation, if you can’t pass it on to others, spread it around and please support me.

https://www.gofundme.com/zzxmz-colleens-medical-fund

 

 

Thank you


Lazy Ugly Single Mum

Single mums can’t afford to be lazy, that is a luxury for those who have nannies and Au Pairs. A single mum is mother and father to a child or children. You don’t get a break from it all. Cleaning, dealing with the kids, washing, stopping the argument, going to work, listening as your child cries. There is no time for lazy.

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http://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/parenting/kids/one-nation-candidate-sparks-outrage-after-describing-single-mothers-as-too-lazy-to-attract-and-hold-a-mate/news-story/b04bf9207686410eeba5cf0c3732cae2

 

David Archibald from Pauline Hanson One Nation party has no idea on the life of a single mum. His bizarre idea that single mums are too lazy to attract and  keep a mate is frightening. Stop and think about it, he wants you to I guess marry then have kids, stay in that relationship even if there is domestic violence, marriage infidelity or numerous other reasons for a break up.

His idea that women raising kids alone is going to have some evolutionary effect on the human race and give ugly offspring, is a plot from a really bad 1950’s sci-fi film. If you want to talk ugly, it has nothing to do with single parenting, sorry parenting by a single mum. He doesn’t mention single dads. So where are the dads? Well I guess they all pissed off when the thought of having to deal with kids on a daily basis and actually be a parent sunk in. Why doesn’t he comment on the deadbeat dads? Surely they are responsible for some ugly?

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I have been a single mum for quite a few years I have raised 4 children on my own, I have worked hard to give them a home, I shuffle around work commitments to get them to sporting events and school functions. I am both parents to my kids, as that is all they have. They know they can depend on me to be there. I am the one who picks up the pieces, wipes their tears and goes into battle for them.

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Single mums are always attacked by politicians. They don’t sit back and live the highlife off the supporting parents payments. I think very few women would decide to have a child to collect the pension as it’s often put. The payments stop once your child goes to school. This means that a lot of mums are out there living in poverty raising kids, they are doing it tough, they don’t need the attacks and the cast aspersions thrown at them by the  likes of Pauline and her friends who probably think Chocolate milk comes from brown cows.

Single mums are just trying to do the best they can and raise good people

 


Twiddley diddley dee Tweet, tweet

I have found a new use for Twitter. we all use it to see what the world is doing, to keep up to date, to interact with Twitter friends and for a bit of entertainment, or aggravation, depending on the day.

twitter

With my wonderful life of passing out and sleeping all the time, twitter is useful. If I am alone in the house I can work out if I have passed out by looking at twitter. I keep the laptop near me and look at it and I can see how many notifications and new tweets from peeps ! (I won’t do that joke again)

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This allows  me to know that I have missed some time and I then know I have passed out. It is simple but effective for me at least. I am sure there is some medical or scientific reason for not using this system. But I think when you have to make up the rules as you go along you have to use whatever works best for you.

Doing this I can now gauge better how many times a day I pass out to tell the doctors. Like I said it works a treat for me when I am at home alone and have to count how many times I pass out.

The other way I work out if I have passed out is if I am on the floor, that is a bit of a give away that something went terribly wrong at some point.

 


I feel like Sleeping Beauty

As the search for why I keep passing out and having vague outs continues. I am either stuck in the house of on medical premises. I cannot go a day without passing out a couple of times, at the moment and of course that limits what I can do.

I started fainting a lot in October/November, I thought it was the usual brain tumour doesn’t like heat and it also doesn’t like stress.  At this time I started to get worse headaches and a lot of blinding flashes. I had a med change to try to stop this. Up the dose of this and lower the dose of that to try to fix it. But now it seems like they might actually have an answer and it is funny, that yet again my problems stem from the medications that the doctors give me.

I was put on a new anti-depressant to help stop the fainting. You see, anti-depressants help the tumour it stops some of the effects it has on me. The new wonder-drug they put me didn’t seem to work, so they upped the dose. I had more vague outs and fainting fits. I was checked for other problems. Had the EKG to rule out epilepsy, they were sure that I was having epileptic fits and that all would be sorted. But this came back fine.

Just to be on the safe side I was given some epileptic medication, blood pressure medication and they doubled the anti-depressant. So I have been struggling continually. I have been finding the heat usually bad to deal with. Yeah brain tumour doesn’t like heat so I feel it. But this has been extreme. I am exhausted from the heat just walking out of my room. I have been spending a lot of days in my lounge with two fans on me. If I can get off early before the heat I will go to the shopping centre for  a while. But you can understand I am not really fit to be driving.

I have been unable to really do anything for months now, it has been bad I  have to remind myself to be grateful that I am still here and that it’s only heat and other things and it will settle down as the weather cools down.

Finally after all this time the doctors had a thought. Maybe the anti-depressant has something to do with it. So I am being weaned off the anti-depressant and low and behold I am not having vague outs. I am just having fainting fits. While this medication is slowly being lowered so I can stop taking it, my painkillers have increased to deal with the pain and flashes. So I am now not only hot and bothered, but I am drowsy all the time. I get up, a couple of hours later I have a catnap, couple of hours after that, another catnap and then at night go to bed. This is much better than before I am so happy about that.

I have to continue to see doctor at least once a week, blood tests to check my medication level, then I will change the anti-depressant to another drug and that should fingers crossed deal with the fainting. But like I said at the start, it’s funny that yet again due to medications I have suffered more than from the original complaint.

 


Bogan Pride Day

Right on the heels of “Good will to all men” comes the hate associated with Australia Day. Yep it’s that time of the year, when the bigots can come out of hiding and start attacking anyone who is different to them.

26th of January, Bogan Pride Day, a day of thongs, beer and BBQ’s. A day to get drunk. the day to hijack the Southern Cross and use it for violence. The Southern Cross, becomes the Aussie Swastika, beware when you see it, especially on a bald head. The day has been taken over as a day for drunkenness, that’s not showing pride or unity.

Racist attacks on social media rise and it’s all in the name of patriotism. I don’t understand why a day that is supposed to unite a nation causes so much trouble. I know why Indigenous people don’t like it, if you read your history you would know too. But people who talk of the day as the start of the nation, need to read their history.  Actually have a read of the articles on IndigenousX about the day and changes to the date. http://indigenousx.com.au

Some days I dread going to the shops, you see them and you know that they are going to give you dirty looks or say something to you. The worst is that no one will help you. People just stand around and watch, maybe they don’t want to get involved, maybe they are scared. I have tried to teach my kids to laugh at the racists this time of year, because most of them while showing their true colours are only brave with others joining in the fray.

My daughter found out just how people change during the Lamb ad season. A friend of many years, posted a comment about changing the date of Australia Day. My daughter responded as to why the change should happen. She was shocked at the racial attack from this friend and other friends. She was told she should accept the fact that her people are dying out. Told to go back to the stone age.  Yep this time of year the blood boils with false patriotism and love of country. Yet these same people have no idea on the history of the country.

I am no expert on these matters but I am a bit of an expert on racism and bigotry, having copped it in large doses all my life. I think some of this can be changed if we change the date. I am at the moment leaning towards the May8 movement. A day of mateship, what could be more Australian than that.