Who cares if I don’t always make sense.

I have times where I make absolutely no sense what so ever. I forget the words I need to use and forget who I am talking with.

Sure, I’m very capable of many things, but sometimes the brain doesn’t work the way it should be working. I live with the pain in my head and pain in my body from the damage done by previous treatments. But I try to keep going, I have to. I also have to remember how lucky I am to still be alive, when I should not be.

I was talking to a lovely lady on the phone today, she called me because she wanted to talk about her cancer journey. She was feeling down, she thought she had beat the breast cancer she had, but it seems to be back. She wanted someone to talk with and to cry with. This woman, who I didn’t know, who rang to talk, turned my day around, sometimes it just takes one little thing to make things better.

 

We talked about how she was feeling, how her family were coping and what she felt were her options.  She cried as she talked about her grannies, growing up without her, and what she was going to do to make sure she was a part of their lives after she was gone. I offered some ideas, and that’s when it all went wrong. The words came out wrong, in fact they came out with words that didn’t fit in with what I was saying. I was mortified, she laughed.

I explained that sometimes the words come out wrong, then she told me not to bother about it.

She and I both laughed when I mixed up more words and explained why. She said, “Who cares if you don’t always make sense, even arse up, you make more sense than that lot in Canberra”. She made me realise that it’s not as bad as I think it is.

This woman who needed comfort, comforted me, she joked, telling me that she wished she could forget some people. We laughed and I felt so much better.

I’m grateful that I’m still here and grateful that I can help other people facing cancer, and who cares if I don’t always make sense, at least you can understand that I care.

 

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Shout out to the Strong Aboriginal men

Aboriginal men get arrested at a higher rate than non-indigenous men. They get arrested for minor crimes, that a white male would be given a warning. I think it’s about time we addressed this disparity.

Our men cop the flack from the media. Just recently Kerryanne Kennerly used the problems in some communities to win an argument.  This set of the usual hate for Aboriginal men, branding them all rapists and paedophiles.

https://www.news.com.au/entertainment/tv/morning-shows/ugly-row-rocks-studio-10-every-time-you-open-your-mouth-you-sound-racist/news-story/96af83ef6cc60bfea50028b76ddf2d6b

Now of course this set the usual haters on a rampage. Care for Aboriginal people was a great way for the racists to dress up their racism. It was horrid and hurtful to the Aboriginal community in general, but especially our men. Most of our are just trying to get along in life. They face enough of a battle just being black in a racist country without this added to it. The harassment of our men was so low.

The recent deaths in the Townsville floods is another example. Two Aboriginal men, being chased by the police for suspected looting, are found a day later drowned in a drain. The racists were out in force. Never mind that two lives were lost, the horrible comments of they deserved it, typical black, this might teach them and other worse comments. It just goes to show how really racist this country is. Our men are coping it from all sides.

https://www.news.com.au/technology/environment/two-men-feared-to-have-washed-away-in-floodwater/news-story/ab4da6bea615cff85d415c2c24ec7912

This story and especially the Townsville bulletin released names without family permission. The other problem is look at the comments, the racist comments about these men. I’m, not defending their crime, but for Gods sake, show a bit of humanity, when families are grieving.

I couldn’t show the worst of the comments, they involve swearing and insulting words for Aboriginal people.

Townsville was looted by other men in other buildings, but they were white and no calls that they should die. Stop and think about the difference between that.

https://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/national/queensland/six-townsville-buildings-looted-after-residents-fled-rising-waters-20190207-p50w77.html

This kind of hate affects me as a mother of a young Aboriginal man. I feel his pain. When a supposed joke, smart arse comment about him robbing, it’s met with an icy stare. But how can we keep on heaping on Aboriginal men. This is what our kids are growing up with, hearing that they are not good enough, that they are all bad. How can we do that as a society.  Aboriginal men should be holding their heads up proud. They come from a long line of warriors and survivors. Our history is one of equality. But its hard to show your pride, when you are treated like shit on the bottom of a shoe.

Another problem with all of this, is the so-called allies, the people who support Aboriginal people but don’t support us all the time. I have seen allies, run down Aboriginal men, when they make the papers for a crime. Condemn the crime, not the person or the race. Fake allies, like Kerryanne Kennerley are so common. They say they support us, but if you disagree with them, they take the support away.

Double standards abound. I like the action that the NRL have taken against Ben Barba. But where is the consistency, they let Matt Lodge play and say they can do nothing to make sure he pays his victims. Jarrod Hayne plays, while rape claims from America and Australia are still unanswered.

I’m not an apologist, but we still need to look at the racism in the police and the court system, that puts men in jail for being homeless, this for many is the start to a life of crime. Treat people like criminals or rubbish and what to do you get?

I want to give a big a big shout out to all the deadly strong Aboriginal men. The fathers, sons, uncles, and husbands. They don’t get enough recognition and praise.

 

Celebrating has to be a hate crime

Invasion day or if you rather australia day, is the bargain basement hallmark holiday. The $2.00 shops make a fortune on cheap imports, that make white australians feel like the land theft, rape, murders and desecration of our Sacred Sites has finally paid off, and they are wonderful citizens.  Why wouldn’t you want to celebrate your grandfather raping women, or that uncle johnny proudly boasted of playing cricket with Aboriginal babies heads. They really are the good times to remember and celebrate, because it worked the atrocities of the past have never been addressed.

The idea of australia day has got to be a breach of the Human Rights act, and break every anti racism law in the county. White people know why we are upset and angry about the celebrations, but that doesn’t stop the government from forcing this fake patriotism of the country. If you are not Aboriginal and you disagree you want to see a change of date, then you are on the receiving end of abuse. Who is really the target of the day? is it the few who really dress it up racism as patriotism? australia day has been celebrated by different states on different dates. The landing of white people and making a prison, isn’t really my idea of a national day. Let’s not forget that the landing of the invaders was in one state, that was the colony. The country has its birthday on 1st January 1901, Federation Day.  But that means nothing to the white masses. I see white men over 50 talking about the history and the passion. They do remember that through most of their lives, it was always a long week-end and the day was never really celebrated it was a time for a good old fashioned piss up. Oh what short memories the just people of skins of white have.

For that matter, forcing kids to celebrate and be joyful at the hate and crimes done against Aboriginal people really is a crime. Think about it, cheering for rapists and murders in today’s society is frowned upon, yet kids have to learn the white lies of rapists and murderers building the nation. Squatters, who poisoned waterholes and had fun raping women and children of both sexes to clear the land, is nothing to be proud about. Yet I get told that my people are primitive!

Poor little kids start school just after the day, and for a week or two it’s all lies taught to them about brave white men, but no mention of the crimes.  Brave explorers who discovered Aboriginal people and most of the time, forced them to show how to navigate the land. Men who stole the song lines and claimed the credit for following ancient paths that we had been using as our highways for over 60 thousand years. And we all know what happened to those brave stupid men, when they didn’t listen to the Aboriginal people. I should feel sorry for people who are so full of their own superiority that they die of thirst when water is near, or starve when there is a traditional supermarket around them.

But the kids, especially Indigenous kids at school. Think of the 4-year-old being forced to take part in this bizarre affair These little Aboriginal kids are forced to celebrate the deaths of their people, forced by the invaders to shout hip hip hooray for whitey. Being told that they are lucky, white people came, that white people brought civilization, laws, the wheel.  All these things the Indigenous kid knows his people had long before. That child, knows that we had civilization, we had homes, buildings if you will that fit in with the environment. That child knows we had laws and lore. The child knows we had the wheel as a child’s toy. Who needs a wheel or carriage, when you can’t really hook it up to a Kangaroo, emu or a wombat.

Our kids are told from a young age, that we are not good enough, that we are all alcoholics, welfare wasters and savages. Our kids get told these lies when they hear the teacher speak or  the racist parents and the media. Kids watch the media, and the damage that is being done to our kids, is child abuse. All this is what white people want to celebrate.

The constant lies they tell. They hear a story and even in the face of evidence they think they know better. That’s what white superiority is. It’s lying to yourself and others. Believing rubbish about the wheel. Saying we had no paper. Can I ask what we needed paper for? We had message stick for spreading the news. Mouths to share information. We had paperbark tree, we had leaves for toilet, we make nappies that were a lot better than the disposable ones, we had sanitary products. You tell me, why is not having paper so important to white people? I guess it’s because australia is relatively new to toilet paper, they think they still need it for the out house.

Science, we had it, look how astronomy is finally catching up with us, if you don’t know, just google Aboriginal astronomy. We had science, we were botanical geniuses, without drying up an entire river.

Housing? We had many styles of housing depending on the environment. I know a lot of people think aliens built the stone houses, but it was us. If in doubt, read Dark Emu by Bruce Pascoe. Can I ask if our homes were so bad, why do so many white people who want to finally protect the earth, choose to live in houses similar? Why do tourists pay so much to camp out under a shady lean to in the tropics?

Democracy? We had it when the whites who invaded were still serfs, how do we know this? We know it by history, that even non Aboriginal people have agreed with.

Did we have Churches? Well we didn’t believe in locking up God in one place and visiting him on Sunday. Our entire environment was our church. Our beliefs were part of how we hunted and how we collected the seeds for bread, it’s there when we have the dolphins help us chase fish into fish traps. The world was and is our church.

Our history was ignored, colonisers tried to stamp it out, so they could in all good white church going conscience kill off Aboriginal people, rape the women and steal the lands.

Yippee, let’s go celebrate homicide, rape and theft.

 

 

 

 

Racism and me. The true story of our illicit affair

I have lived with racism every day of my life, I don’t know a day where racism hasn’t affected me. It’s like a lover, the first thing you see in the morning and the last thing at night before you close your eyes. This evil lover shows me the racist radio station or television station, while I’m having my tea and toast in the morning. Racism affects my health, when I go to hospitals and they assume, because of the colour of my skin that I’m only there for drugs. It’s there, when the taxi won’t pick me up, it laughs in my ear as I am ignored by staff in a shop.

Racism, makes me cry at night, when it has plunged its dirty fingers into my kids life. Racism, sits and laughs at the end of my bed, when my kids were called names at school. It has watched over my children like an unloving, evil parent, affecting their daily lives at school, sports, university and the workplace, while I cannot stop it from hurting them. A big part of being Aboriginal is fighting racists every day, learning the hard way, just how terrible this country can be.

January has always been a month of fear if you are Aboriginal. The racism in the lead up to Bogan Pride Day, 26th of January is enough to make you weep.  This month also holds fear and trepidation in the Jewish, Muslim, African and Asian Communities. It brings nightmares to any non white person in Australia, January is the month that racists go full throttle on hate. They go out of their way to make our lives miserable.

This year I think we can expect the hate to multiply by 100. You would have to be dead to not know the white supremacists and Nazi’s staged a protest at St Kilda beach. It was no coincidence that this was the 100 year anniversary of the founding of the  National Socialist German Workers’ Party or better known as the Nazi party. This hate sect was met with a sing along by people who were not impressed and actually don’t like racism. Those crazy white guys, who, if I might digress, would never meet the criteria of the Nazi party, being neither healthy or blonde Aryan.

But back to the blog. These unwashed, toothless males, think all the crime in Naarm (Melbourne) is done by “African Gangs”. Please, these kids can’t be everywhere to commit every crime. Sure there are probably problems in the community, but what community doesn’t have problems. If these kids had better services and if we had more jobs, it would probably be solved. I am talking as an Aboriginal person, who sees the problems in her own community and know that racism is behind a lot of the problems, lack of housing, no jobs, drinking.  With this in mind, these strange unloved men set out to cause problems and get into a fight, they were hoping to hurt people.

The hate they carried, while they used African Australians as the excuse and the main target affected all non white people, they have attacked Aboriginal people and others. These people vandalised a Jewish aged care centre.

https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2019/jan/05/far-right-and-anti-racism-groups-face-off-in-melbourne-flashpoint

https://www.news.com.au/national/victoria/heavy-police-presence-in-st-kilda-as-protest-groups-converge/news-story/ca8fd8a5af11e28f45d2c9d9f1a3b6a1

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6557537/Neo-Nazi-extremists-leave-swastika-stickers-Jewish-nursing-home-Holocaust-survivors.html

The last four days on social media have been soul-destroying. Seeing comments to stories on Facebook and reading the hate from strangers. On twitter I have been attacked not just by random people, but by people who follow me. It’s an attack to tell me, I don’t know about racism, because it doesn’t exist in Australia. It’s an attack to ask me, why Aboriginal people want more. Just think about that one, want more? I have had to go through long convoluted conversations to educate the ignorant. I could block, and I do, but I always try to educate first, it’s a black thing. We all do it, it’s not justifying ourselves, it’s a part of our lives to explain to people why they are wrong about their stereotypical ideas. When they say that we are better off that white man came, or we are lucky it was the English and not the French, Oh dear. You know an oppressor is an oppressor. If the colonisers had tried to talk with us, learn and open trade it would have been better than enslaving us and trying to kill us off. If you are one of those people, go and read a book, talk to local Aboriginal Elders and learn. But don’t just demand that someone give you their precious time. Ask, we have lives and are not here to serve white ignorance.

 

https://www.sbs.com.au/news/australia-needs-to-deal-with-hard-truth-on-racism-indigenous-commissioner-june-oscar

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2018-06-20/digital-books-taking-tasmania-into-classrooms-around-australia/9885642

https://indigenousx.com.au/

If all that wasn’t enough I have seen attacks on others, I really hate it when people pile on and attack one person, who did the right thing. Can I just say that if you agree with white people, be they antifa, non racists, over one of your own, you are just helping. The old divide and conquer is as true today as when the words were first spoken. Don’t agree with men, who call in trolls on a women. Don’t be a colonisers pin-up, by attacking real allies.

Another thing I have been subjected to is finding out that some of my followers are racist against Jewish, Muslim or African Australians. I know some people don’t get this, they say ‘But how can little johnny whiteskin be a racist, he supports your people?’ It’s all in the name, RACE before the ISM. So you can be and you are a racist if you like Aboriginal people, but are antisemitic or a islamaphobe.   I won’t say keep that shit to yourself, I will say, go out and educate yourself.

My last gripe, is those who are white middle class and tell black people to ignore the Nazis. Like wow, isn’t that how the Nazis got into power and did so many atrocities? Too many turned a blind eye to the problem. If you are white middle class, you are safe from the violence caused by these people, you can afford to sip your Prosecco, and think you know better than the oppressed. Keep your mouth shut, or again, learn learn. It doesn’t matter that you think they are funny. They hurt people. Don’t talk over our voices, again this white ideology, that you know more than the oppressed is ridiculous. Don’t say you are doing it for others benefit, because we know you’re not, we know that you are a closet racist, or you are benefiting from this in one way or the other. Especially, really, really, really, don’t then make it about you or cry white tears, because you have been misunderstood. You weren’t misunderstood, we know exactly what you mean, and we don’t like your patronising white arse.

https://www.afr.com/lifestyle/arts-and-entertainment/books/white-fragility-are-white-people-inherently-racist-20190102-h19mh9

All I ask of you is to stand by us, stand up against racism. If you see it happening do something. But never drown out our voice, or take centre stage.  

 

 

Good Bye 2018

As 2018 slips through the fingers of time, I thought I should write something profound, but being me, I can’t so I’m just going to go through the highlights of the year.

This year as given me lots of hospital visits, I have a frequent flyer card for all the trips there. I’ve had surgeries and I’ve had lots of tests. I have had a change in some of my medications. The best was that, finally I have a tablet that stops the vague outs and black outs. It is so wonderful to be driving again and being able to go out to the shops or anywhere, without having to have a responsible adult at my side.

I’ve faced the usual amount of racism. It’s a shame that I just expect to face racist people on a regular basis. But that is the reality of life in australia as an Aboriginal person.

I’ve also seen my fair share of racism, towards other peoples. That is on the increase, the comments, looks or ugly faces towards people of Asian, African or Pasifika peoples. Australia was never a white country, so why would you want it to be so? Why would you want to have lots of inbreeding of white people to remain pure (whatever that means).

But enough of that, back to me…

The last major incident I witnessed was a couple of weeks ago at the Princess Alexandra Hospital, an older Aboriginal woman was talking, to a nurse and some horrid white people were laughing at the way she spoke, this emboldened the nurse to snicker too at this woman. This woman deserves at the minimum the respect due to all people. But as usual, this is not for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people in australia. I intervened and helped this woman.

I tweeted this incident and lots of people felt outrage. Well outrage isn’t enough if there is no action with it. The hospital tweeted back to me, telling me to contact Tanya or Gary who are the Indigenous liaison officers at the place. That is not good enough. Racism is not a black problem, it’s a white problem. The hospital needs to step in and ensure cultural awareness training is done to all staff.

Don’t lay at the feet of the Indigenous workers, the problems of the white staff. Be responsible enough to admit there is a problem and start to work on it.

That goes for all hospitals and medical centers do some work on your white staff, train them to be more culturally aware. It is up to you, not to expect us to face the hatred and then help you overcome it.

Next year, I am hoping that some changes have been made to the general public about Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples, learn about the true history of this country. Stop judging us by an unfair standards, that white people wouldn’t be able to meet.

Do They Know It’s Christmas time At All?

As most of us done our festive wear and deck the halls with boughs of holly, many of us are faced with the Centrelink Grinch coming around and taking our payments away.  I found myself in this unenviable position, when Centrelink decided to cut my payments, while it decides if I can and should be at work.

I have no problem with working, I would love to be able to work full-time or part-time, it would mean more money and give me a reason to dress up a bit and go into the wide world. But I have a problem with immunity and then there is the pesky issue of the passing out and seizures caused by the brain tumor. I have had to resign myself to living off the small amount of the Disability Allowance. It barely covers my rent, then if you add in the electricity and groceries, I’m in trouble. But on top of that, I have to pay for my medical bills. It just isn’t enough and I’m a master at “Robbing Peter to pay Paul”. I shuffle around money like it’s a deck of card, just to keep my head afloat.

When Centrelink screws with my payments, well then I’m lost. That is what they have done to me at the moment. This leaves me in the position of being behind in my rent, with the landlord wanting to evict me. How did it get this far? I was cut off about 6 weeks ago and have been slowly going through the process of seeing Centrelink social workers and soon to visit a doctor of their choice. This has come about with Centrelink ignoring my letters from the GP and specialists. Oh well, I guess what would they know about my health?

I’m not the only one to suffer from this stupidity, we see it so often in the papers or on the news that some poor soul has been cut off from Centrelink, who will justify that a seriously disabled person should be able to work. How do they come to these conclusions? If they have doctors who agree with this, then those doctors should lose their licence.

https://www.kidspot.com.au/parenting/real-life/reader-stories/dear-centrelink-you-really-think-this-man-should-be-looking-for-a-job/news-story/3dd021973be0408d78d70d8c6f30a1d1

It’s so easy to forget that people, especially women are one small step away from homelessness, due to bureaucracy. This time of year is the worst for homeless people as their numbers swell from those who have been laid off around Christmas time, break down of marriage, or young people thinking they can move out of home and make it on their own.

https://www.homelessnessaustralia.org.au/sites/homelessnessaus/files/2017-07/Homelessness_and_Women.pdf

So many women and children are homeless, I can’t help but wonder if I will be another one, If my daughter and I will be spending Christmas in my little car?

I have always done what Centrelink have asked me to do. Yet they have some idea that I might be holding out on them and able to work?  How do they do this to people? Who is sitting in the hidden bunker, plucking out names and deciding who should have to go through this process? This time of year, you can bet that I won’t be able to see the doctor until next year. So I have to wait, and keep my fingers crossed and hope for a Christmas miracle.

It’s so terrifying to think that I might in my 50’s face homelessness. I don’t know if I can cope with that. How do I keep my medications straight? How do I give myself pain relief while not in a home? What happens if I am having a bad day and can’t walk or see properly? Where do I go? I know the local council where I live have a kind of tent city for the homeless, but during the day, you can’t stay there, so where do I go, when I am too ill?

We often take what we have for granted, but this year, I beg of you to please help those in need. Smile and give a helping hand, for you might be helping me.

Thank you

 

Cultural Safety Survey, share your stories from NSW

On Twitter I follow an incredible young woman, Elissa Elvidge and she is asking for people to help with a survey of New South Wales Hospitals.

The information that people give of their experiences is not just for academic purposes, these surveys help to change the system, by showing what the problems are and how they can be addressed.

If you have been in hospital in the last 12 months and you are a deadly Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander person, please do this survey

 

https://redcap.hmri.org.au/surveys/?s=NWFR4M34J7

 

Information Statement for the Research Project: An Aboriginal Cultural Safety and Security Framework for NSW Hospitals Document Version [4]; dated [06/09/18] You are invited to participate in the research project identified above which is being conducted by Dr Ann Taylor and PhD candidate Elissa Elvidge from the School of Medicine and Public Health at the University of Newcastle; Professor Yin Paradies (Deakin University) and Professor Rosemary Aldrich (University of Newcastle). The research is part of Elissa Elvidge’s PhD at the University of Newcastle, supervised by Ann Taylor. Why is the research being done? The purpose of the research is to learn more about Aboriginal people’s experiences in hospitals and to develop ways for hospitals to make people’s experiences more positive. Who can participate in the research? We are seeking Aboriginal people who are current or recent (in the last 12 months) patients in a NSW hospital to take part in the survey. What would you be asked to do? If you agree to participate, you will be asked to complete a short online survey or paper survey (you can choose how you would like to do it) about your hospital experience that takes around 10- 20 minutes to complete. Some examples of the questions in the survey include: • In the last 12 months, how often did hospital staff listen carefully to you? • How often did hospital staff spend enough time with you? • How often did the receptionists at this hospital treat you with courtesy and respect? What choice do you have? It is entirely your choice if you would like to do the survey and whether or not you decide to participate, your decision will not disadvantage you in any way. If you do decide to take part in the survey everything that you say will be completely confidential and you can decide to stop it at any time. What are the risks and benefits of participating? We understand that for some people going to hospital can be a very negative, stressful experience and that talking about your experiences could be very distressing. If doing the survey makes you feel distressed or upset it might help to talk to a counsellor. Free telephone counselling and support services are available from Lifeline on 131 114 or The Mind Spot Clinic on 1800 61 44 34. How will the information collected be used? The information collected during the surveys will be used as part of the fulfilment of Ms Elvidge’s PhD at the University of Newcastle. You can get a copy of the research results when they become available by e-mailing researcher elissa.elvidge@uon.edu.au What will you need to participate? You can complete the survey on paper, online or over the telephone it’s up to you. If you would like to do it online you can use the researcher’s iPad or your own device (phone, laptop or tablet). If you would like to do the survey over the phone all we need is your name and a phone number that we can call you on. Just let the researcher know how you would like to do it. Please read this Information Statement and be sure you understand its contents before you agree to participate and begin the survey. If there is anything you do not understand, or if you have questions please don’t hesitate to ask or email the researcher elissa.elvidge@uon.edu.au Thank you for considering this invitation. Dr Ann Taylor Chief Investigator/ Supervisor Ms Elissa Elvidge PhD Candidate Complaints about this research This research project has been approved by the Hunter New England Local Health District Research Ethics Committee, Reference No: 16/05/18/4.09. Should you have any concerns regarding your rights as a participant in this research, or you have a complaint about the manner in which the research is conducted, it may be given to the researcher, or, if an independent person is preferred, to: Dr Nicole Gerrand Manager, Research Ethics and Governance Office Hunter New England Human Research Ethics Committee Hunter New England Local Health District Locked Bag 1, HRMC NSW 2310 Telephone (02) 4921 4950, HNELHD-HREC@hnehealth.nsw.gov.au