I’ve got a friend, well she is fast becoming an exfriend. I used to take her to NAIDOC and share the big Brisbane Friday with her, encourage her to talk to people in the stalls and learn.
I thought I had taught her well, but I had not. When I wasn’t living in Brisbane and while I was sick, she went on the day, but instead of learning it became a day for her to grab as many goodies as she could.
She would get all the free pens and pencils and the colouring books and bags and pencil cases. She laughed about doing this and going to the Elders tent and getting a free feed. She was imitating an auntie who I introduced her to. This auntie would always laugh and say, you’ll find me their getting my cuppa and a free feed and catching up with everyone. But ask this friend to go to an event that she had to pay? Don’t ask her to go to a Reconciliation event and work. She can only swan around big noting herself.
I have told her off over the years about this attitude and so have other Indigenous friends. This year she came to visit me afterwards and had all the papers from bags and packs from the Friday and gave them all to me. By giving me all the information she is showing that she doesn’t just throw them out. She just wanted the fun things and joked that she didn’t need to buy fruit for a while. Yes that was the last straw. I told her off and explained why she was doing the wrong thing and that she was a user and I don’t want her going to any more NAIDOC events. Other friends had the same talk with her when she sulked about me telling her off.
Yes that is typical behaviour to ask other Indigenous people, because it can’t be her, it has to be me that is wrong about her.
She is not the only white woman who does things like this at our events, they go so they can get freebies and have pictures to post on social media and appear to be a caring person.
We all know those white women who are only there to make themselves look good. The ones who then will tell other people that they know more about Indigenous peoples because they have friends and they don’t say they go to NAIDOC. They say that they are known in the community and are part of everything. They use the attendance of NAIDOC as a badge to get better jobs or to talk over black people, because they think they know.
But back to this one that I’m talking about. So her sulk to other Indigenous women is suck a typical action of a white woman. She of course is right and I am wrong. She thinks it’s a hoot to go to NAIDOC and just get free things, she thinks it’s her right as a white woman to take these things and not give back to our community.
She then hit me up after I went to Pride march giving hugs. She wants to do that. She want’s to join the “Deadly Mum Hugs”. Says that she has no problem paying for the T-shirt and will even pay for me to get a new one next year. I politely said no. Telling her it’s not all sequins and giggles. She then approached my daughter who is out, telling her that she discussed it with me and that she will be good and can she go, telling daughter that she will just follow her around. Daughter was not happy about this. She doesn’t want to be taking care of some weird cis white woman who will more than likely laugh at people, without a care that she is insulting them.
The soon to be exfriend spoke to the other Indigenous friends we have in common, talking about going to Pride and that it’s for everyone, not just my personal domain because I have a gay daughter. Of course she wants a Deadly Mum Hugs T-shirt to wear, using us to give her credibility.
If you think this is over the top, it is and it’s true. So many white women, just use black and brown women, hell even socially acceptable gay women.
The white woman has to be a part of everything to show that she cares. When she isn’t really caring she is using us to get her own credibility up. It’s all about her and she then is the victim if you dare to stop her or question her motives.
I have been mulling on this, and decided that I would write and post this week, because Ruby Hamad will be talking about her book “White Tears Brown Scars” This week. We as Indigenous women so often prop up white women that we don’t even realise we are doing it.
I expect so many white women to go to events and listen to Ruby and nod and look wise, while denying that they are the women doing this to Black and brown women. White women don’t like being told they have faults, they will join you in talking about the faults of white men. Never accepting that they play Scarlett O’Hara to so many non white women. They are so used to being put on a pedestal that they will fight to stay up there.